In Pakistan, we grow up hearing “Betiyan parayi hoti hain.” Our daughters are lovingly raised, but always with the unspoken message: One day, you will leave, and your real home will be somewhere else. From childhood, girls are taught to adjust, compromise, and prepare for a life where they might never truly belong. Whether it’s learning to keep the perfect house, cooking dishes to impress in-laws, or maintaining silence to “keep the peace,” she is trained to fit into spaces owned by others.
Dowry: A Heavy Burden Dressed as Love
We tell ourselves we’re securing her future by giving her a dowry, the furniture, the fancy dinner sets, the latest electronics, the gold sets shown off proudly on wedding day. But what does this actually do? It doesn’t guarantee respect. It doesn’t give her a sense of ownership. Instead, it often reinforces the belief that her worth is tied to material gifts she brings along.
As one user emphasized in her viral post, “Don’t give your daughter dowry. Give her a house! Even if it’s small, let it be hers.” This is not just a financial decision; it’s a mindset shift. A house in her own name means she finally has a space where she doesn’t have to be a guest a space she owns.
The Silent Truth: Women Without a Home
Most Pakistani women transition from their parents’ home to their husband’s home and, in old age, to their children’s. At each step, they’re reminded: This isn’t really yours. They hesitate to hang a painting they like, to sit freely in the living room, to speak up. Even their rooms are often “temporary,” waiting for the next guest or child. The concept of a woman owning her space is so foreign that even imagining it feels radical.
This is why the idea of giving her a house even a small apartment in a distant locality, is revolutionary. It’s more than a roof and walls; it’s a promise that she belongs somewhere unconditionally.
Weddings: A One-Day Show vs. Lifelong Security
We see it all around us: families spending 30, 40, even 50 lakh rupees on wedding events. From expensive marquees to choreographed dances, designer lehengas to endless photoshoots all for a few days of display. Meanwhile, the bride leaves her parents’ home with no real safety net beyond her jahez truck.
What if those same lakhs were put into a small apartment or plot of land in her name? Imagine the difference it could make. Instead of a fleeting show, she would have lasting security and a sense of dignity that no gold set can offer.
More Than Property: The Power of Confidence and Education
As one user beautifully stated, “Property should be in her name, but along with that, give her courage, confidence, and education.” A house alone is not enough. We must also empower our daughters with skills, self-belief, and the confidence to make choices for themselves. Only then will that house truly feel like home.
A Call to Parents: Rewrite the Legacy
It’s time to stop measuring our love through dowry lists and wedding grandeur. Let’s redefine success for our daughters not as a marriage settled with heavy trunks of jahez, but as a life where they have ownership, agency, and respect.
Imagine her unlocking her own door, arranging her own furniture, choosing her own paint colors. Imagine her knowing that no matter what happens in her marriage, she has a place to return to not just a “mayka” she visits in shame, but her own home, her own safe space.
The Gift Every Daughter Deserves
At the end of the day, the most powerful message we can give our daughters is: You are not a burden; you are worthy of your own space. Her own space isn’t just a gift it’s freedom, security, and a declaration of her worth.
Let’s start giving our daughters what they truly deserve: not a dowry, but a home they can truly call their own.
